Dating & Job Searching

Job searching is like dating. Richard Nelson Bolles first revealed this concept to me in his book, What Color is Your Parachute?. The parallels are easy to see when you outline the similarities between finding a job & finding a mate.

Another message from Joe? An email from a potential employer? Oh, the joy!

Dating & Job Searching Similarities:

• Initial contact may be awkward.
• First face-to-face interaction geared toward “Will there be a next step?”
• The essential goal is to determine if this will be a short fling or a long-term relationship.
• Both parties ask “Do you have what I want? What I need? Are we a good fit?”
• Both parties have the power & opportunity to leave the relationship if they so desire (before establishing commitment).
• It should be fun, but is often nerve-wracking, frustrating & depressing.
• You find yourself waiting by the phone, anticipating a call from that special someone or something.

With this in mind, I’ve concluded that:

If I’m not a good fit for them (the organization, institution, business, etc.), they’re not a good fit for me.

Quite simply, if they don’t think I’m the best candidate for them, then they’re really not the best organization for me, either. Both of us deserve someone who will “fit” the culture & meet the needs of the relationship under consideration.

It’s rather like that certain someone who doesn’t call back. Obviously, they’re not a good fit if they’re unresponsive & uninterested in you.

Move on. Explore other opportunities & possibilities.

Inversely, if an organization or position doesn’t seem like quite the right fit for you, withdraw from the running & pursue other better-fitting opportunities.

You won’t find the perfect position or the perfect organization. Accept that. However, you should know who you are & all of your strengths, weaknesses, skills, talents & areas in which you excel.

When something doesn’t mesh with who you are & what you have to offer, move on. You should be excited about the opportunity, not filled with dread because it might come to fruition.

Really, that’s the crux of What Color is Your Parachute? – know yourself & you’ll find your best fit. It may take time & a lot of work, but you’ll be happier when you get there.

Honestly, I’m not “there” yet, but recognizing & acknowledging what I have to offer & need to learn has made the journey worth it.

Coming soon: honing concentration with Pilates and another mental frame for career-building!

“Nude Women Smoking Cigars”

Apparently someone found my blog by searching for “nude women smoking cigars.”

A)     I really don’t want to know why they were searching for naked women smoking joints, but…

B)     I would like to know – how in the world did that lead you here? The last time I checked, I have never discussed nude women, smoking or cigars.

C)     At least I’m appealing to individuals with an “exotic” taste, eh?

Here’s to you, dude who wants to see ladies who are smokin.’ They’re not nude, but you can’t have everything.

Lovely Ladies Who Smoke Cigars (click picture for more!)

Job Searching: Coping

Soon we’ll have another post that digs into the functional aspects of Pilates, but for now, other thoughts have been looming in the forefront: how to survive the job search.

Pulling against the ropes of the future with no give in sight...

The tricky thing about figuring out the next immediate step for your future (aka the first job) is getting to that job. How do you navigate the (sometimes long & arduous) process of encountering & moving into that new position?

Really, just thinking about searching for a full-time job can be depressing. Paying bills, maintaining your sanity, & paying off loans, etc. looms in the shadow of job search ponderings.

"...I'll think of some way to get him back. After all... tomorrow is another day." (And another day to avoid reality)

To deal with such pressing concerns, do you pull a Scarlett O’Hara & block out all thoughts about reality? Or do you move into those thoughts & frame your job search around how you’re going to survive for the next few months, the next few years?

More than anything, how do you deal with the process of searching for a full-time job without curling up into a fetal position in your closet? (Okay, maybe that’s just me).

Thus far I’ve found numerous books and articles about how to conduct your job search. Most of them have been great resources & reminders of how to manage your time, where to look, how to apply, how to interview, etc.

Awhile back I discovered that the trouble for me was not that I didn’t know how to do the job search, but rather how to stay sane throughout it.

Let’s face it – dealing with yet another rejection letter is lousy. You experience one of those hard to pinpoint, yet poignantly felt emotions that go hand-in-hand with rejection – dejection.

Put simply, it sucks.

Actually, it was after another round of “We’re sorry but….” letters & emails that I made the decision that my current mindset was just not working.

I was sick of bemoaning my future could-have-been. I was tired of spending time, tears & frustration over possibilities that never transpired. My head & my heart couldn’t deal with the search in this fashion anymore.

Really, I needed positive frames to refer to when rejection kept slapping me in the face.

I needed mantras & logical reminders of how to keep my thoughts on the right track & to not give up.

Before sharing those, though, I’m curious – what are your mantras that you turn to when you just want cry? When it seems like giving up would be the best way to go?

What’s in a Name: Pilates

Have you ever wondered what “Pilates” is supposed to mean? Here’s a little bit about its origins, in particular, its founder.

Originally, Pilates was called Contrology. In fact, the name “Pilates” comes from its founder, Joseph Hubertus Pilates. If you’ve ever attended a class or done a video that focused on Pilates, you may have noticed that the exercise often incorporates movements from other methods, including Yoga, Tai Chi, dance & martial arts. It can be confusing for exercisers what exactly Pilates is.

Essentially, Pilates is all about controlling & strengthening your core muscles – your abdominals – which then extends out to strengthening & toning the rest of your body. Before we jump into an in-depth discussion about that, though, let’s talk about its history, in particular, its father, J. H. Pilates.

Joseph was born in 1880 in a rural German village, Monchengladbach. As a child, he had several health problems, including asthma, fever, & rickets. Other kids mocked him and called him “Pontius Pilate, killer of Christ.” Unfortunately, Joseph was frail, weak & too skinny to fight back. To make matters worse, he had super healthy & intelligent parents. His father was a prizewinning gymnast & his mother was a naturopothist  (holistic healing & natural approaches to health problems).

As a result of his physical challenges & social obstacles, Joseph sought to transform his body into a physical masterpiece of well-being & health. A close family friend & doctor gave him an old anatomy book, which he studied devotedly. Pilates also spent hours in the woods closely observing how animals moved. In addition to these activities, Joseph studied both Eastern and Western exercises. By age 14, he had developed his body to the point that he could & did model for anatomy charts.

Pilates continued to hone his understanding of kinesiology through his various experiences (listed below). He united principles & practices from many exercise programs & philosophies, including Yoga, Tai Chi, and dance among others. As a result, he created what is now known today as Pilates. This program is well illustrated by his definition of fitness:

Pilates at 59 years old

“The attainment and maintenance of a uniformly developed body with asound mind fully capable of naturally,easily and satisfactorily performing our many and varied daily tasks with spontaneously zest and pleasure.”

His philosophy emphasizes what matters most in being fit – utilizing mind and body in accomplishing acts of daily living (ADLs) with ease & satisfaction.

As demonstrated by photos of him throughout his life – it worked.

A quick overview of Joseph Pilates’ career is below:

• Before 1912: Worked as a boxer, gymnast, skier & diver.
• 1912: Travelled to England for more training as a boxer; became a circus performer.
• 1914: Circus star & toured the country with his troupe; WWI breaks out, interned in an enemy camp in Lancaster (due to German ethnicity).
• Internment camp: taught wrestling & self-defense; began designing Contrology
• Transferred to camp on Isle of Man: Worked as a medic with victims of wartime diseases & incarceration. Began creating equipment to rehabilitate the bedridden.
• 1918: Influenza epidemic sweeps through the country, killing tens of thousands in England. None of Joe’s followers succumbed to the disease.
• Post-war: Returned to Germany, began training Hamburg Military Police in self-defense & physical training.
• 1925: Invited to train the New Germany Army, but wasn’t comfortable with the country’s political direction. Left for New York.
• En route to New York: Met Clara, his future second wife.
• 1926: Joseph & Clara open a gym that shared space with several dance studios. Began working with dancers by utilizing Contrology.
• 1939-1951: The pair work with dancers at Jacob’s Pillow, summer dance camp.
• 1966: A fire blazes into the studio, Joseph runs in to save research & tools. Temporarily becomes trapped.
• October 1967: History of smoking cigars & the studio blaze hasten his death; dies at 87 years old. According to some sources, Joseph died from emphysema – not smoke inhalation.

Pilates at 77 years old

 

Here are more resources that discuss the history of Pilates’ founder, Joseph Pilates.

• History of Pilates
• Biography of Joseph Hubertus Pilates (1880- 1967)
• History Of Pilates: Joseph H. Pilates (1880 – 1967)
• History/Origins of Pilates

Rock My World, Denise Austin

Earlier this week I had a reunion with one of my fitness mentors – Denise Austin.

The video that started it all!

Granted, Denise has never met me & has no idea that she’s been such a longtime friend of mine, but the reunion was still sweet regardless. We stretched, we lifted, we strengthened, we toned… Good times were had by both.

Lately I’ve been seeking ways to switch up my Pilates classes with different styles & moves. It was time to go back to the one who started it all – Denise.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost 10 years since I first heard about & began practicing Pilates. Sometimes I wonder if I stuck with it because I secretly wanted to have fantastically bouncy, thick & luscious hair like Denise’s blonde mane. (Seriously, google her – you’ll see. It’s consistently beautiful. How does she do it?)

You know you want to be her best friend. C'mon, admit it.

After doing the video, I realized how much I’ve changed since I first encountered Pilates. Sure, I broke a sweat, but what used to be agonizing (Swimming, anyone? T-stand? Gag…) are now a part of my daily practice & play large roles in my classes. I used to wonder “How much longer do we have to do this, Denise? I’m gonna die.” Now I’m stunned to realize that we only held the T-stand for 3 breaths & swam for 20 seconds. I thought this was difficult?

(I’m also starting to wonder if perhaps I’m pushing my classes a bit too hard… Nah.)

Her video, though, will always hold a soft spot in my heart. She introduced me to Pilates, to core control, to smooth movements, to proper alignment, to joy in fitness & more.

So, to improve my practice & educate readers like you about Pilates, for the next few months I’ll post weekly (or more frequently) articles about Pilates. We’ll talk about…

• Its history – how it all started
• The 6 Core Principles (Concentration, Control, Center, Fluidity, Precision, & Breath)
• Pilates vs. Yoga – What’s the difference?
• Perks of Pilates
• Tips for Ongoing Practice
• Core Pilates moves (Roll-up, One Hundred, Roll Over, Leg Kicks, Leg Circles, etc.)
• Pilates resources
• And more!

For a sample of the video that rocked my teenage world, check this out:

How about you..

What else would you like to know about Pilates? Have you ever heard of Pilates before today?

Sweet, Bubbly Soda

Once in fifth grade, my teacher bought Sonic Dr. Peppers for my entire class. We were ecstatic.

Soon after we received our sugary drinks of happiness, our teacher stepped out & we launched into a passionate discussion about sucking stuff up our noses. A few kids adamantly declared that sucking Coca Cola up your nose was soo awesome. We were losers if we didn’t do it. The biggest concern, though, was – would Dr. Pepper feel the same way?

In a matter of minutes, all 15+ of us bravely hunkered down, slid our cheery red straws up a nostril & snorted soda.

You would totally suck this up your nose. Admit it. (Image Courtesy of Somewhere in the Middle.)

I always forget what having Dr. Pepper coursing through my nose feels like… until allergy season hits.

You know it’s coming. You don’t only feel it in the air, you sense it in your throat, nose, mouth, eyes & everywhere else. You go through the usual symptoms of outdoor allergies – the dry throat, a lower pitched voice, red & weary eyes, the dripping nose, the aching body… Then comes sneezing, coughing, & any other explosion of snotty fluids possible. If you’re special, as my family sweetly tells me, you lose your voice.

Somewhere along the way, the soda sensation settles in. A weird bubbly, tickling, burning feeling fills up your nose & travels up your head until you start to wonder if you didn’t jam some soda (without the fun sugary flavors) up your nose. Unfortunately, this sensation sticks with you much longer than Dr. Pepper ever will. You’re stuck with it until the snot runs dry.

In the meantime, I suggest drinking plenty of soda (whatever your preference may be) in an attempt to counteract the ever-present tingling in your nose. Maybe drinking it up your nose will help, too….

Let me know how that goes.

In case you were aching for a better view of your head when allergies hit & to see where the soda goes... (Image courtesy of Modern Medical Guide.)

The Snowcone Solution

One of the most foolproof formulas to all stress and happiness in life is the Snowcone Solution. A simple breakdown is below.

Stressed? Get a snowcone! It’ll boost your mood.

Had a rockin’ day? Indulge in an icy delight. It’s a cheap celebration of happiness.

Feeling bummed? Put those sad thoughts on ice & focus on the flavor.

Need a cheap social date? Hit up the snowcone shack for a good time.

I didn’t fully realize how automatic this formula has fit into my life until this summer.

I know – why get white ice when you can get all the colors of the rainbow? Yet, Silver Fox can’t be beat.

Case in point:

After a I-really-wanna-flip-cartwheels-interview, I called my parents & took myself out for a snowcone.

A month later after receiving rejection letters for both that position & a handful of others, I called my parents for a good rant/cry about my potentially dismal future featuring a van, a river, stray cats & bad teeth. My mother’s solution? “Honey, go get a snowcone & take the night off.”

I followed her advice. It was glorious.

I wonder sometimes – do snowcones have a magical fairy dust that simply (temporarily) banishes troubles & only brings up icy goodness? We’ll talk more about snowcone magic another time. (Note: Other go-to’s include ice cream, frozen yogurt & avocado smoothies. Factors influencing said choices include taste preferences & cash on hand.)

In the meantime, what is your solution to all of your woes? What’s your go-to for dealing with the happies & crappies of life?

The Not Hot Factor

I recently discovered How I Met Your Mother and it’s freakin’ hilarious. I know – it’s in its 6^th season – how could I have finally caught on to it now?

1. I’m usually not around or available to watch TV.
2. Usually every show I like gets cancelled. (October Road, Eli Stone, Kings, Pushing Daisies, etc.) I’d rather watch something that’s been successful for a while & since I’m always seasons behind, I can prepare myself for the disappointment of a series that has been killed.

Belated show discoveries aside, the show reminded me of one of my favorite tangents to share with friends – the Not Hot Factor. There’s a zillion books, articles, magazines, movies, shows, etc. about how to pick up women, but something still isn’t clicking. People still do stupid things, what is decidedly Not Hot. In the show, much like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, the group’s dating stories illustrate how relationships go sour, or rather – how they never start. Typically, it’s because someone brought in the Not Hot Factor.

How do you define the Not Hot Factor? What makes someone Hot whereas someone is clearly Not Hot? Honestly, it’s hard to pin down. Unfortunately, I can’t offer much on the specific qualities of how to raise your hotness, but thanks to multiple stories & instances from friends’ and personal experiences, I’ve collected a little storehouse of Not Hot stories – failed attempts at romance. Below is a list, not ranked in order of importance, of Not Hot case studies. Unfortunately, my snippets of lack of hotness won’t solve the world’s problems, but that’s okay. Ranting is satisfying.

• Clicking Your Tongue

While dining out, an older man approached the young female server, clicked his tongue…

Wait. Stop right there. Don’t EVER click your tongue at a girl, unless she happens to be four-legged and eats food consisting of pellets. If you want to get her attention, don’t treat her like a dog. That’s just…

Not Hot.

• The Inappropriate Dinner Invite

..did the “Hey, baby” head cock and asked her if she’d like to go out for dinner after this.

Don’t be stupid. He just ordered dinner, and then promptly asked her to join him for dinner a couple hours later. Perhaps in his world that was a compliment, “Baby, I’ll eat two meals for you. You’re that great.” Regardless, his comment was idiotic and…

Not Hot.

• Underage Hit-Ons

Apparently restaurants are ripe with opportunities for men to snatch up the young vixen serving staff. Clearly, anyone working behind a counter is just begging to be wooed by hungry patrons.

If  she looks young enough that you could be her father, don’t ask her out. More so, if she looks like she’s 16, she probably is. Back off. You just walked right into Creepy Old Man territory. Back away, because that’s…

Not Hot.

• The Telescope Gaze

When speaking with a woman, give your eyes limited traveling range. If you find your gaze gliding from her face then down to her toes, and your chin almost touches your chest as your eyes roam, you’ve given her the Telescope Gaze. (It’s also highly likely that your chin is hanging ajar, too. Shut it.)

If you’ve just met this woman or have a limited acquaintance with her, don’t go body-gazing with her as the scenery. It’s yet another way to march boldly into Creepy Man territory (you can be young or old for this category) and just lost any hope of being known as that Really Great Guy. Instead, you’re the one who gave her the heebie jeebies, and the thought that muumuus might actually be a necessary outfit. Free-ranging eyes are decidedly…

Not Hot.

• The Drive-By Phone Request

When you see an attractive stranger at a stoplight or alongside you in traffic, don’t call out “Hey, baby, give me your number!” To make matters worse, don’t continue cruising alongside her, feverishly motioning for her to pull over so you can get her phone number. You’ve just hit the jackpot with the OMG-Stalker-Where’s-the-Police? Card. Most rational, safety-minded women will not pull over to give strange men their phone number and the opportunity for 1:1 interaction. Not only are you creepy, you just might get a date with the police by showing how to be utterly…

Not Hot.

• The Ever-Present Pursuer

If you call a girl once and leave a message, leave it there. There’s no need to call her immediately again. You left a message. That should be sufficient. If she wants to get back with you, she will. Let’s be practical – if she didn’t answer the first time you rang, she probably won’t be available or won’t answer 5 or 15 minutes later. Then you just sound desperate. More than anything, you sound stupid. Be practical. You told her what you wanted. Let her get back with you – don’t force it. Don’t push yourself on her, otherwise you’ll demonstrate how to be…

Not Hot.

• 5 Minute Proposals

So you met this amazing woman who just rocked your world. She’s pretty, she’s kind, she’s giving, she’s smart – she’s got everything you could ever want in a woman. She just might be the One. If the sum of your conversations have is 5-30 minutes, don’t propose. Wait. Give yourself a few days, a few months. Heck – why not actually get to know her first? (That doesn’t mean aggressively read up on her Facebook profile, either.) Try talking. Not proposing. Otherwise you’ve just freaked her out, and killed any chances of getting a “yes” to even just a date. You just become the Over-Eager Groomsman, which is…

Not Hot.

Unfortunately, these are the only stories I could recall immediately, but don’t fear – I’ll have more. In the meantime, I hope you take up the torch for eliminating the Not Hot Factor from the world, one interaction at a time. Really, losing the Not Hot Factor isn’t complicated. Just remember a couple things to ask yourself,

A) Am I doing something stupid?

• Yes – you might be foolish sometimes around people you find attractive, but think about what you’re about to do. Use your common sense.

B) Would this freak out my sister/mother/friend/child if someone did this to them?

• Perhaps you come from a community of creepy people. If so, I’m sorry – you’ll need to find a different scale for measuring your advances. Otherwise, think about how your future/real daughter might feel about someone doing this to her. Hopefully it’ll help you re-evaluate your strategy.

Overall, use some common sense. Women want respect. Respect their brains. Don’t be stupid. Respect their sensibilities by not being creepy and you can lose (or never gain) the Not Hot Factor.

Sunday Bliss

I love Sundays, even though they’re usually indicators that I’ll spend most of my day locked in my room pouring through textbooks, skimming articles, writing, and guzzling coffee. It’s the start of a new week that’s full of possibilities and promise. That’s liberating.

Another bonus to Sunday afternoons is gazing out my windows into the fluttering sun-drenched leaves and nodding branches of the trees surrounding my room. Of the handful of places that I’ve been (and will be) spending the majority of my time at this year, only one has windows. Quite frankly, I miss my golden sunshine and blue sky.

 We are what we repeatedly do. – Aristotle

On that note, back to work. I’m aiming to become a statistician, apparently.

Day 879: Sunlit Saturdays

Unfortunately, not the view I had this Saturday... but imagine you were there for this!

Waking up stretched out on a luxuriously soft bed in a sunlit room on a Saturday – I think I may have just found a slice of heaven. It’s even better when you wake up early, just because you can, and enjoy the stillness and quiet beginnings of the day. I’m thankful that most people don’t get up early on Saturdays, quite frankly, it’d mar the moment.

Isn’t it refreshing when you have those moments that you’re so thankful to just be alive? To take a deep breath and enjoy the contentment. I’m just about giddy in my toes to remember some of those sweet, pure memories.

I’ve been blessed with many of those moments this semester while coaching my children’s drama team. Teaching (and learning) from kids is always a treat… even when I’d like to throw something at them. My 3-6 graders are rowdy, silly, honest, funny, frustrating, hopeless – definitely a handful. I wouldn’t sacrifice my Sunday afternoons with them for anything. They were nervous to perform for the UC a couple nights ago, but my co-coach, Kylor, and I just about danced with joy as we watched them give it their best shot. That’s one of the many things that rocks about helping people – seeing them grow, develop confidence, and succeed. Boy, I love those kids!

Of course, working with others also means that you must grow in some form or fashion also. “No man is an island,” after all. I could list all of the things they’ve taught me last year and this year, but it’s not necessary. Plus, the learning never ends!

The necessity of wisdom brings me to my Bible reading for the day. It’s only appropriate to read up on this while preparing for competition, or really – life in general.

Proverbs 13

Proverbs 13:4 The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.

Proverbs 14:23 In toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty.

Ugh… these verses are dreadful reminders of the paper I must finish this weekend that I’ve been hiding from for the past week. Stop being a sluggard!

Proverbs 13:7 One pretends to be rich, yet has nothing, another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth.

How very Hallmark-ish, yet true. Actually, there was a guy like that in my town in Texas. A gentle elderly man rode his bike, lugging a foldable chair, to several spots in town. He’d stand on the street corners and greet passerby with a “Have a great day!” and “How are you?” He’d occasionally sit back and read his Bible in the hot sunshine. One time my dad offered him a ride home to his shabby apartment. Dad later shared rumors he’d heard that the man was actually rich but chose to live in destitution. I’ve always been curious as to why he did that and wondered what his soul must look like. He may have seemed a bit crazy, but he had a beautiful heart.

Proverbs 13:10 By insolence comes nothing but strive, but with those who take advice is wisdom.

Proverbs 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Another reminder of how blessed I am to have wise counselors in my friends and family. It’s so tempting to ignore their prodding and advice, but usually they’re right. I need them to keep my head from floating into the clouds.

Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

I could talk about hope forever – it’s what keeps me going and inspires me. How exhilarating it is when things work out, even more so when it’s how you never expected it to!

Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Oh boy! I need this reminder when I’m not sure what to do when working with kids. Of course, I don’t want to beat them, but they need discipline – not only for my sanity but also for their growth.

Proverbs 14:7 Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge.

 So true, yet hilariously said.

 Proverbs 14:10 The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy.

 Solomon, I don’t understand you. Just so you know.

Proverbs 14:15 The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps.

Proverbs 14:16 One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but the fool is reckless and careless.

As one who likes to believe that everyone is honest, this is a necessary reminder to look a little deeper at what’s in front of me.

Proverbs 14:19 The evil bow down before the good, the wicked at the gates of the righteous.

 Certainly one to investigate deeper… (but not now).

Proverbs 14:30 A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the heart rot.

Oh how I wish each of us could be truly content with ourselves! This world would be a much prettier and happier place. Geez… we’re such troublesome creations sometimes.

Later…

By the way, my kids got gold! Actually, all of our kids got gold in their various competitions. I’m proud of them. : )